The Game Breaker
Micheal Jordan, Lebron James, and Kobe Bryant were walking from the locker room to the court. Jordan smiled and said,"Lebron I bet I can dunk farther than your hair line can recede!" James then snapped,"Fool, who do you think you playing with I am King James! Your airtime would be shorter than your baseball career!" Kobe then interrupted, "Boys, Boys now we all know I can play better than anyone." Sudden out from crowd appeared the god of basketball, Shaquille O'Neal, "Please all of your titles belong to me, Shaq."
Micheal Jordan then said, "Hey now big man I remember you when you were a kid. The moment your pops and ma brought into this world you were hungry. Your parents could barley feed your fat behind. I swear every time I saw you outside you thought the sun was food and kept trying to bite at it. You didn't stop until your mama slap that damn hunger out of you!"
"But go on, let me see what the best player can do ShaCANT O'Neal. You are the face of the NBA after all," ranted Jordan. Shaq puffed out his chest and as Jordan screamed, " Come on big boy! You can't make a free through so you better dunk this ball." Shaq raised his head and looking up towards sky. " Shaq, the moon ain't cheese either!" shouted lebron. "Shutup! let me show you how its done!" cried Shaq. He stood their basking in the stadium lights. For a second, He look as if he was still in his prime.
"I will bring this damn goal downnn!....No....No I am gonna bring this whole building down!" roared Shaquille O'Neal. He grabbed the ball. Thud Thud Thud . You could hear the ball pounding the wooden floors. As the seven foot one, 300 pound giant ran down the lane the court everything began to shake with each step! BOOM...BOOM...BOOM! Along with Shaq's added screaming it sounded like a 90's backstreet boys concert. '
He jumped at the three point line, leaving a crater in his wake. "My God" said Lebron James. Suddenly derrick rose, jumped out no where! "I wont let you destroy this stadium!" shouted rose. "Move Derrick, you will career will be over if stay in his path!" screamed Kobe. The instant Shaq's body touch Rose's utter obliteration took place. He shattered every bone and destroyed almost every muscle and tendon in derrick rose's body. Ironically, only his achilles tendon was left untouched. Shaq tore through him like it was nothing.As he inched towards the goal, each player in that arena saw their lives flash before there eyes.
Like thunder snapping or detonation of an atomic bomb, Shaq's hands slapped the rim slamming the ball down. As the ball went through the net, its sheer speed caused the net to turn to ash. The glass broke so finely that it blew away. The force of the dunk was so catastrophic it changed the atoms within the metal goal creating a new unknown material. Then it happened, cracks spread throughout the court, the walls collapsed, and the ceiling fell all around Kobe, James, and Jordan. Suddenly, He arose out the rubble. Bathing in the cloudy light, he stood strong and said "Told ya."
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| (Shaquille O'Neal, Websource: Charls Tsevls) |
Author's note:
In this story i wanted to test my very limits of my creativity while staying in the bounds of the story. Shaq stars as Hanuman the monkey god. It starts out with the monkeys bragging who could leap the farthest which was represented by the bickering of the NBA players. After backstory of Hanuman is mentioned, the monkey god takes his leap. During this he is attacked by a demon who is played by Derrick Rose. The Monkey God makes quick work out of the demon and jumps over the ocean. he lands on the island to continue his mission. I think this idea sprouted from my childhood being heavy influenced by basketball. When i typed the story, I remembered ,back in the day, playing NBA jam for sega. this really helped me describe the story. I picked the image because it showed my main character, Shaq. The reason why its not just a regular picture of Shaq is that i wanted the picture to match the creativity in the story. I added a couple of jokes to add some meat to the story. I felt like if i did not add. it would be an empty description with something missing.
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| (Hanuman, Websource: Wikipedia) |
Bibliography:
"PDE Ramayana: Hanuman's Leap" (2013) by Laura Gibbs, Websource:http://ouocblog.blogspot.com
You had a very creative retelling of Hanuman's leap. I think it was great that you chose something you are passionate about to retell the story. Unfortunately, there were a lot of small mistakes that were distracting. For instance, you used "barley feed" instead of "barely feed", "free through" should have been "free throw," "jumped out no where" needs to be changed to "jumped out of nowhere", and "derrick" should be capitalized. Make sure to reread your stories before you publish to fix any small mistakes. Otherwise, I thought the narrative itself was good.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Carey's comments about the little mistakes, they were slightly distracting. But I really enjoyed your story. I personally am a huge basketball fan. I must be honest though KD should have been in this story. I appreciate that you used dialogue, that is a great skill. I also liked your description of the dunk that broke the glass. The story had so much dialogue it was nice to see some description.
ReplyDeleteThis was a very unique story, definitely very different than anything I have read thus far! I like the idea of turning the competition between the monkeys on who can jump the farthest into a story about famous basketball players that everyone knows, arguing about who is the best at playing basketball. I also liked all of the comedy thrown in to the dialogue, with the players trash talking each other and Derick Rose's uninjured achiles tendon.
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